Letting that Balloon Go
As you have read from my other posts, I felt that domestic adoption was easier to embrace than the anonymous egg donor process. Personally, I didn’t want to carry another pregnancy for the fear of having to endure another loss. Of course, there is risk associated with adoption too. But for me, it just seemed like the road that would lead me to our future child(ren).
Ours is a labor of love when our children come to us via adoption, surrogacy and egg donor cycles. Now that I am on the other side of wishing and wondering, I can attest that even though my children don't share my biology, I absolutely experienced labor pains. I labored with my eldest for 2 weeks before he was born and 2 days after his birth. When his birth mother mentioned that she wanted to take him home for a night when we spoke over the telephone, just 2 weeks before his scheduled birth, my labor pains came in the form of panic. I was frantic after that conversation because I was almost certain that we would not be taking him home with us. In the case of our twins, I labored throughout my entire pregnancy; I worried that I would either miscarry or that Logan and/or Trevor wouldn’t be alive and breathing after their delivery.
As human beings, we don’t just want what we want when we want it, we also want it how we want it. I’m here to tell you that if you allow yourself to follow another parental path, your joy will be just as great once your children become yours. None of my children share my DNA but they all have my heart and that is more than enough for me. Nobody can take that away from any of us.
With our eldest, I always feel such joy when I’m driving and happen to look in my rearview mirror and get a glimpse of Brandon’s birth mother looking back at me. When we were going through the adoption process, my compass was always pointed towards making sure that his birth mother was certain she was doing what was best for her and especially him. I’m amazed at her strength and her ability to give us our greatest happiness at the cost of her own. Logan and Trevor came by way of anonymous egg donor but they have acquired so many of my mannerisms that I can’t possibly distinguish where the donor ends and where my husband and I begin.
One of my sister’s favorite euphemisms is, “You just need to let that balloon go…” I definitely think it applies in the case in infertility. If we allow ourselves to let go of the idealistic notion of how we wanted our children to enter into the World, we can grasp onto what is most important—feeling the enormous joy when they arrive in their own unique and wonderful ways.